My Girl For Christmas

I've always been much more of an advocate for sex over making love. Yes, they are two very different things. A good fuck will leave me glowing and warm afterwards, hardly able to move. Whenever I have made love in the past I'm left with a lot of emotions I'm not really sure how to express - I'm sure you're always supposed to say something meaningful afterwards and I'm just not good at that.

Guys, last night I made love to my GF for the first time. The only people I've ever made love to have been guys (yes, for a queer girl I've had way too much sex with guys. Don't ask, whole other story). The GF and I always have a good, healthy dose of sex, the occasional hot, fast fuck and lately, a light sprinkle of some D/s play mixed in (the handcuffs we got are adorable!). Last night we made love.

Christmas Gifts

So it's that time of year again! Debating about Christmas gifts. Scrapbooks for family, Christmas cards for friends... still don't know what to get for the GF! Aaaaah, help please!

Queer As A Superhero

I always get really excited by superheroes. I'm not much of a comic girl - my nerdgasms come from RPGs, fixing my girlfriend's computer and Pokémon. But I love the idea of someone that runs around in spandex and a cape defeating the bad guys. Where the world is so simple, bad and good are black and white - the guy breeding mutant worms to take over the city is the bad guy and the guy that is stops him is the good guy. Makes me happy.

Then I came out and suddenly found my world immersed in gay. I watched a million and one lesbian movies that I had never known existed before and had all these new TV shows to watch. My gay education progressed at a rapid pace for the good part of a year. Then I got into Queer as Folk and was SO excited by the gay superhero in it. Rage was hot, liked kissing boys and fought to save them from all that was bad in the world. He was my new favourite thing. Then I heard that Marvel was going to reveal their new gay superhero in real life, and I tried to cynically pretend that I didn't care about them jumping on the bandwagon but secretly I could hardly contain my excitement.

Not Strictly Monogamy

I would have always described myself as something of a serial monogamist - before my current girlfriend, I had a string of relationships, none of which lasted longer than six months. Every time, I was head over heels and thought I was so in love. I'm not talking one or two relationships here, I'm talking a nice long string that eventually seemed to turn into the same pattern. Attraction, courting, falling in love, continuing, falling out of love. You can only do the same thing so many times before you realise that there may be a problem. Addiction to relationships? Addiction to oxytocin? Addiction to the chase? In hindsight, I hesitate to call it addiction to love because I think I had a problem with mislabelling my feelings.

I have been with my partner now for over a year, we are blissfully happy and I adore her to death. But here's the thing - we aren't strictly monogamous. We talked about it for months before we ever did anything and we still don't have a strict definition for what we have. It's certainly not an open relationship - but is there a difference between that and a relationship with openness?

Blog Titles

Do you know how damn hard it is to name a blog? Maybe I just suck at it, but I've literally been sitting here for nearly three days now attempting to think of a cool blog name that actually encapsulates who I am and what I want to write about here, instead of actually blogging.

I tried Thesaurus.com for synonyms to other blog titles that I adore, but that's tantamount to stealing and really involves no originality. I tried trolling Blogger just to come up with some kind of an angle that might help me, but stumbled into a section of mothers recording the lives of their newborn children. After about twenty of those blogs in a row, and titles like "Me, Jesus and [Bobby]*" with descriptions along the lines of "First we had each other, then we had you, and now we have everything", I hurried away from the black hole that is the internet. I want to talk about life and sex and being queer, I do not want to start talking about the baby my girlfriend and I are planning on having. Why? Oh yea, because I'm only twenty-two and never even wanted to have kids in the first place! They have bizarrely small heads and huge heads. Seriously, the next time you see a kid under the age of five, take a look at it objectively - they have giant heads and tiny, tiny hands.

Great way to start this blog off... insulting children and displaying confusion about the title of the damn thing. Coming across as a totally professional writer. Whoops.



*[insert appropriate child's name here]

Starting Again

I think since I turned sixteen, I have started a new blog every eighteen months or so and deleted it within the next one to three months. I would always write the most perfect first post to explain why I had started blogging and who I was, and a bunch of flowery nonsense. It would be agonising and take me at least a few days to write because I would never know what to say.

This time - I'm twenty-two and still have no more idea about the world than when I was sixteen. Okay, maybe a tiny bit more, but a pretty small blip on the line of life experience. Half the time I think I'm broken (in a non-overly-dramatic way) trying to pretend I'm not, and then I'm dancing around on the street strutting my stuff, completely full of myself but at peace at the same time. I think people spend way too much emphasis on trying to find themselves and way too little on enjoying the ride. This time I really couldn't be bothered trying to explain where I am in my life, who I'm dating, who else I'm fucking, how torn I am between two countries or how much damn time I take enjoying long walks on the beach.

This time - fuck it. Sup.