What Lesbians Shouldn't Think Of Bisexuals

Arielle Scarcella recently released a video about What Lesbians Think Of Bisexuals. If you haven't seen it, watch it here. Arielle is one of the cutest lesbian bloggers on YouTube right now and she has a prominent series where other lesbians talk about what they think. Some of them have made me giggle, some of them have made me confused, a couple have made me sad but the latest one just made me angry.

Arielle asked lesbians what they thought of bisexuals and got a range of responses from "slutty" to "greedy" to "confused". Some of my favourite quotes include "if she can make me laugh I might get past the fact that she had a dick in her mouth last week" and "my confidence was shaken was really shaken because I was never sure if she was into me and not looking at men as well".

All I can say is that I cannot believe that these kind of responses came from the mouths of people that have experienced discrimination, prejudice and erasure. From a community that is supposed to embrace individual choice when it comes to sexuality, there is a shocking attitude towards bisexuality in the LGBTI community.

Many gay people I know seem to be convinced that it's their way or the highway. I know girls that have been firmly entrenched in the lesbian community and then meet the love of their life, who just happens to be a guy, and then loose connection with over half of her friends. I know many gay people that think you're either straight or gay and that there is no grey inbetween. They seem to have absolutely no idea that other people can think differently to them, let alone feel differently to them.

Sexuality is fluid for many, many people. And for people from the gay community that cannot accept that and think it is one way or the other, I ask them to think about how hard we have had to fight to have our sexualities accepted by society. Until 1974, homosexuality was still defined as a mental illness. We have fought hard to show that no matter what someone's sexual orientation is, we are all still human beings. There is choice in the world and it is shocking for people from the LGBTI community to try and define someone else's sexuality for them and judge them for it.

My Life, The Soap Opera

Sometimes I used to think I could make a daytime soap opera out of my life. Then I told myself not to be stupid. And reminded myself I can be a little self-involved. Then this happened. And I remember that shit like this just somehow keeps happening in my life.

Roommate is moving to Germany. To be with a girl from Luxembourg who I introduced him to. Seven hours after meeting they slept together. Twelve days they were together in real life. Three weeks after starting dating, he decides to move to Germany and renege on the lease he made with me at the start of the year. Only seven months into our contract.

That's not even the worst part.

He didn't have the savings to just up and move to Germany. Who does? So he went for one full-time job interview two weeks after she left. And didn't get it. So instead of looking for another job and working to get the money himself, he asked his father for a loan of $7000 to pay for the trip and living while he was over there. For some unknown reason, his dad agreed.

So now, less than two months after even meeting the girl, he's upping and moving to Germany, and move into the girl's apartment which her own father pays for. He won't pay any rent. He will try and get a job to start paying his father back. The real kicker here? He doesn't even speak German.

How do you get a job in a country where you can't even speak the language?

Gott allein weiß.

Anyone looking for a room to rent in Sydney?

Being Into Girls

When I was younger, I dated boys. I didn't really ever think not to - it was just what happened. I never thought otherwise. I always knew I liked to look at girls, loved to even. I always said to myself that I could never date one, the dynamic in the relationship would be too weird. Two girls dating? How could that even work?

I never, ever felt guilty about looking at girls when I dated boys.

Then I started dating girls. I still look at boys sometimes. I'm still the first in the room to comment on the latest hottie that just came onto the TV screen, whether it's a boy or a girl.

I never, ever felt guilty about looking at girls before I knew how into girls I was. Now whenever I look at girls, I can't help but feel as perverted as the drunk sleaze that stands at the bar making unwanted cracks on women. I can't even look at a girl and simply think she's pretty without feeling guilty now. Let alone watching a girl walk up the stairs ahead of me.

I never felt guilty about checking out girls until I realised just how into them I really was.

The Proper Use For A Desk

So I'm knee-deep into my exam period and spending hours at my desk every day.

Clearing my mountains of paper and pens from it, laying a soft blanket down on it, strapping myself into the harness and lying my Sailor down on my desk gently.

Collar around her throat, blindfold over her eyes. I left her hands free of cuffs because I wanted to see her hands clench and unclench in the blanket as I toyed with her.

Lined myself up with her and thrust deep inside of her. Take the blindfold off her eyes because I want to see her eyes roll back into her head as I fuck her.

Surprisingly my desk is the exact right height for me to fuck her on standing in front of her. I can get all the perfect angles.

Fuck her until she explodes around me and can't do anything but lay there and mewl in exhaustion. Carry her back to the bed and hold her close while she comes down from the high.

Purrfectly Crazy

Sometimes I think I'm actually crazy. I don't mean the good kind, I mean the how the fuck did I end up this way kind of crazy. As you may have read before, I have anxiety disorder. Okay that's not quite a post explaining it, but it mentions it. So sue me. Ever since I was a little kid, I've had major problems with stress, anxiety disorder and panic disorder.

Even after being in therapy for years, and knowing that both anxiety disorder and panic disorder are both very common, I still feel batshit crazy. Like even above normal for other people that have these disorders. When I was a kid, I could never sleep over at any of my friend's houses. Pretty standard separation anxiety. When I grew up, it morphed into a whole sleuth of different problems and anxieties that I'm only just beginning to get a grip on.

My Sailor Came Home From Sea

My sailor's home! Still technically on leave, but she sailed her boat right back into my harbor last Friday. Yes, that is a euphemism. But also, she's home. Just makes me want to jump up and down and run around in the rain. Except it's freezing, so I might just go curl back into bed my warm bed with her...

Being Queer And Freaky Online

So as you may or may not know, the GF and I have been involved in the kink scene overseas in Devon in the United Kingdom and have recently put out our tendrils into the scene back at home, in Sydney. We're into many things, including bondage, impact play and a D/s dynamic (though we switch) but we are also really into playing with other people.

My girlfriend and I are non-monogamous. I hesitate to call us polyamorous, not only because neither of us identify as polyamorous but also because we will only play with other people together, and not separately. It's just not strictly monogamy. However, being a same sex female couple in the kink world is a little limiting. We encounter two main problems - guys idealizing us and but also more general problems in the kink community in general.

Happy Funday Sunday!

I feel like Funday Sunday has more a of a rhyme to it than Funday Friday, but then again, Funday Friday is more alliterate. I really cannot decide which one I prefer more.

Anyway, for this week's Funday, here was my present this weekend from my girlfriend... her present to me, my present to you...

Well I Can't Tell Anyone Else...

Holy shit. She resigned. She was just so sick of it, and the control they exert over your life. Of course she misses me too... because I'm just that awesome. But she resigned last Tuesday, totally out of the blue. I can't tell anyone yet because they ring you around and around and around like a washing machine before they let you go...

But she's seriously coming home. It's for realsies. Maybe one more week, maybe two more weeks max and I'll have my girl home beside me. Properly in my bed and my life again. I can't wait.

And I can guarantee a lot more adventures when she gets home... we have a few couples on the horizon that are interested in playing with us, and are hoping to get deeper into the kink lifestyle... so stay tuned, folks!

On Wildlife

Was brainstorming new blog title ideas with my girlfriend this afternoon... she wrote down four columns on a piece of paper for things I write/want to write about, one of which was "sex" and another was "life". She told me to look up synonyms for all the words to write in the columns.

According to thesaurus.com, a synonym for "life" is "wildlife". Upon hearing this, she decided the new title of my blog should be Sex With Bears. Her contortions of laughter weren't stopped by me pointing out that this might not help me get the right kind of audience that I'm after. Other suggestions included The World, Deviants And Sparkling Lesbians and The Dreams Of A Freaking... She didn't finish the title. I'm not sure why.

Anyone out there have any sensible suggestions?

When You're Queer And Doing The Distance

So way back when, to that dark hole that was February when my girlfriend had just joined up for the Defence Force, I Googled tips for how to cope in long distance relationships, how to cope being a military wife, how to cope being a gay military wife, how to cope when she's away, how to [insert variation on a theme here]. There's a lot of material out there, most of it ridiculous and most of it seriously unhelpful. Articles on long distance relationships didn't tell me how to cope when they had taken her phone and I had no way to contact her, and searches on how to survive being a gay military wife resulted in several pages of news articles about the treatment of gay spouses by the US Defence Force. Searching for "how to cope when she's away" ended up with two types of results: articles for straight men or how to cope when your mother dies. Neither of those made me feel better.

Long distance sucks. I'm not going to try and tell you it's fun, or enjoyable, and definitely not that it's easy. But what I will tell you is that it's worth it. Or more accurately, she is worth it. You know she is, or you wouldn't be reading this. So here's a few tips from me on how I've survived the last few months. If you're straight or male, these might apply just as much, or less than, I'm not sure - but they can't hurt!

Happy Funday Friday!

So my stats are up and I've just finished my first set of posts, which I'm really excited about (mostly because I never thought I'd get around to it), so I thought I'd give you all a gift. People seemed to enjoy my Kink Play post, and this may or may not have been because half-naked photos of my girlfriend were rampant throughout it.

So I thought I would share this with you as a treat, and in celebration of finishing my Queer Girl's Guide To Strap-Ons series (see Parts One, Two and Three). Enjoy...

Queer Girl's Guide To Strap-Ons 103

In Parts One and Two I went over some basics on how to choose a harness and a dildo for you and your partner's pleasure in the boudoir. Here is what we actually ended up getting. For Part Three, I want to show you how to use it. So I'm going to tell you a story. The first time my girlfriend and I used our strap-on was mind-blowing for both of us. We have an amazing sex life, but this was one of the times I felt most connected to her in our entire time together.

It started off with a lot of faff. The harness has to sit higher here, and lower there. Rings have to be fiddled with, straps have to be tightened. We both tried it on, one after the other to start with. Playing around, giggling. It was our eighteen month anniversary, and she was going back to work the next day but we had the whole afternoon ahead of us. The apartment was empty and a sunny day outside. I have had sex with guys before, but she never has. She's never had anything bigger than our biggest vibe inside her (which is about half the size of the dildo in our strap-on). She wasn't even nervous, took the situation head-on like she usually does.

Seven Signs She Might Be Gay

So after drinks tonight with my Doctor friend (who I'm just going to call MD for ease of reference), I have a few interesting thoughts on how to tell if women are into women. MD believes that even if you can't tell if a woman is gay or not, you can definitely tell if she is interested in and/or sleeps with women. How? By paying attention to a few simple hints.

Do you remember that book by Roald Dahl - The Witches? If you don't, basically you can tell a witch with seven simple signs, and while all people might have a couple of these signs, only a few have all of them and you often just have a gut instinct about whether they're a little malevolent or not. Well, that's the take-home message tonight - there are signs you can follow but they're not always going to be right, and when in doubt, trust your gut instinct.

Queer Girl's Guide To Strap-Ons 102

So following on from Part One of my brief guide to strap-ons for beginners is the second step, choosing the instrument of your pleasure. I don't claim to be any expert in any of this, I've only had my eyes opened to this particular world of toys only recently, but I can't tell you, it's a pretty fun ride...

Whether you are giving or receiving, this is an important choice for both parties. My partner and I switch, we both give and receive depending on our moods and/or whoever gets it on first (hint: it's usually me). So we both had to have a say in what we got - which both parties probably should anyway, at least if you are buying it with someone else. So here we go...

Queer Girl's Guide To Strap-Ons 101

For our eighteen month anniversary, my girlfriend and I bought each other something we had talked about getting for a long time - a glorious strap-on. I want to say from the get-go that I am definitely not in the camp where I believe that anything phallic does not belong in the bedroom of two women. I would certainly say that I am not that big a fan of phallic appendages in the bedroom in real life, but I believe toys can definitely be heaps of fun in the bedroom, on top of the things we can do with what nature gave us! Don't get me wrong, I don't think they are in any way necessary for your favourite hot girl-on-girl time but they are just one more thing to play around with in the boudoir!

So we bought one and it was an eye-opener for both of us. The process of choosing what to get is so much more complicated than I ever would have thought, let alone working out how to use it! When it all comes together though, I can tell you, it's really something else. I did things to her that I never thought were even possible.

We had actually bought a strap-on previously, probably about four months ago. We bought it in a beginner's kit to strap-ons that provided the harness and the dildo, and were absolutely repulsed by it when we got it home and got it out of the packaging. It smelt, it flopped around, it was just honestly awful. So I wanted to put together this guide on how we chose the first proper one we bought, along with a guide on what to do with the damn thing once you've bought it (plus a few things I tried out on the dear GF that you can try at home).

The Second Time She Came Home

The first time she came home we went down south to pick her up, it was only a three hour drive but it was the most amazing thing to have her back in my arms. But I think it's the second weekend that she came home that I remember the most vividly.

It was the weekend of our eighteen month anniversary (not really an anniversary I know, but shut up okay!) and her division had duty, but she swapped her shift in Saturday with a co-worker and got her leave approved to come back up for the weekend. We had a friend's birthday dinner that evening by coincidence and so I went to pick her up from the train station.

Answer To A Prayer

She's coming home. She told me a few weeks ago but I haven't actually written those words until now just because it hasn't quite felt real. She's coming home, guys. She told me all along that she'll come home to me and she kept her promise. It won't be until July because she's determined to finish basic training as a challenge to herself, but after that she's going to hand in her resignation.

She's coming home and I'm just so overwhelmed I can't even describe how I'm feeling. Eternally grateful that I have someone that loves me that much to come home to me. Loved and able to love her. Excited for all the future adventures we can plan. Impatient that July isn't here already. A tiny bit anxious that she won't be able to come home for some reason in the future and wanting her to come home now, but the overwhelming feeling is gratitude. Towards her, towards the universe. Towards whatever fucked up plan is in motion that means these six months will be plugged into some story that I have no idea what the ending is.

But she's coming home, guys. She's coming home. Those words have never been sweeter.

Edit: God I am so sappy right now, I'm actually making myself nauseous.

Helping or Harming

So looks like the next few weeks of the blog are not going to be as peppy as I would like, but I guess that's life. When I was younger, I self-harmed. Everything I say on this topic here is from my own experience and is my own opinion. I realise that self-harming can be a bad road for many people, but when I was younger it always helped more than it harmed. I don't have a troubled background, I come from a white, middle class, educated background. My family never lacked money and my parents never abused me.

But when I was roughly fifteen, I moved schools because of problems I had been having at my previous school and fell in with the alternative crowd at my new school. I had never really fitted in properly (though I'm not sure that anyone ever really feels as though they do in high school - no matter what it looks like on the outside) and a couple of my new friends self-harmed. I had never even considered it as a possibility before - it just wasn't the kind of thing that was usually in my universe. I came from a world of good grades and an excessive submersion in fantasy novels. But when the road got rocky for me about halfway through my school year in ninth grade, I fell into a regular pattern of cutting myself to deal with any psychological pain I ever felt.

Fantasies

People have all kinds of fantasies. To be another person, to have their dream job, to be with the person they most desire. Hot sex or a tasty dinner. I've had a thousand fantasies - people, jobs, university degrees. Some of my most powerful ones involve living a life without my anxiety. To just keep being myself but be free of my anxiety and panic disorders. To be able to experience things normally and not have to be afraid of myself, and not be able to know if I can trust my own emotions and instincts because they're being overridden by panic.

That's my ultimate fantasy. I know it will never happen, there's no cure for anxiety disorder. You can learn to manage it, cope with it and adapt to it, but it will never go away. I already know that, that's why it's a fantasy. But I would give that fantasy up and every other one I have ever had, if I could just get the one I have now fulfilled.