Queer Girl's Guide To Strap-Ons 102

So following on from Part One of my brief guide to strap-ons for beginners is the second step, choosing the instrument of your pleasure. I don't claim to be any expert in any of this, I've only had my eyes opened to this particular world of toys only recently, but I can't tell you, it's a pretty fun ride...

Whether you are giving or receiving, this is an important choice for both parties. My partner and I switch, we both give and receive depending on our moods and/or whoever gets it on first (hint: it's usually me). So we both had to have a say in what we got - which both parties probably should anyway, at least if you are buying it with someone else. So here we go...


Step Two: Choosing The Dildo

So first up is choice of material. There are a few different routes you could take but I'm only going to focus on silicone because it's what I've had the most experience with. Silicone is also safe, washable and flexible. It also warms up quickly with the body making it ideal for some great penetration play.

There are a couple of routes you can go with silicone as well:

1. Silky silicone (see an example here) - for a really smooth and sensual feel. Feels kind of like the material condoms are made out of. If you haven't had experience with condoms, vaguely rubbery and slippery. I'm not really a fan of anything that reminds me of condoms, so we went with something else.
2. Brushed silicone (see an example here) - for a more textured feeling, go for something like this. To me, it feels a lot sexier and easier to warm up.

Next, you have to consider size. Make sure you aware of what your partner can take (or what you can take if you are buying for you) and buy accordingly. It's extremely important because if you end up buying something too small, you'll be left incredibly unsatisfied and considerably disinterested in future escapades with what could potentially be a great addition to your love life. If you end up buying too big, you could potentially hurt yourself or your partner and/or left considerably disinterested in future escapades...

We went with the Fun Factory Magnum because it was the nicest shape we saw and knew that even if I couldn't take it, my partner definitely could. Big surprise, we got it home and she's loving me using every inch of it on her but unfortunately I haven't had the same success myself. But those sordid details will be in the next post! Now we are going to purchase a smaller dildo for myself, and she can keep the Magnum all for her pretty self. The lucky girl.

Next, you should consider colour. A pretty arbitrary requirement, but to put it bluntly if you are going to want something inside of you, you are going to want to be attracted to it. And colour and aesthetics are a large part of attraction (don't make me go on a psych rant here, just take my word for it). Dildos come in a wide variety of colours, shapes and sizes, but we went with the pink model of the Magnum above. Is pink a ridiculously girly colour even for a self-confessed femme? Yes. Did it initially remind me of barbies and tutus when I first looked at it? Yes. Do I care when it's deep inside my girlfriend and she's not thinking about anything else apart from it and me? No. But frankly, black sex toys seem incredibly ominous to me and I just can't take sex that seriously. So we went with the pink model and aesthetics be damned. But make sure you get something you will want to use later! I'm pretty sure you can't return sex toys.

Now a couple of tips extra to think about:

1. Use it with a water-based lubricant. It's a lot safer and doesn't lead to health problems like other kinds of lubricant.
2. If you are using plastic rings in your harness (recommended as if you remove the backing pad of the harness, metal rings are cold against your skin), make sure they are made out of rubber not silicone! If you use a silicone ring and a silicone dildo, after a while the silicone on both will bond to each other and ruin the dildo.
3. I'm not one to preach safe sex, but safe sex isn't a common topic among queer-identifying women. Unless you are fluid-bonded with your partner, practice safe sex with your sex toys! Wash after use and probably before as well (if it won't ruin the mood), and yes, use a condom with the damn thing. It's not pleasant but that's life.

So now you at least know most of the basics about purchasing your first strap-on. Hurry along to your local sex store and if you have any questions, ask the staff there. No I don't work there, but the staff at Maxxx Black are among the most knowledgeable and helpful I have ever met at a sex store. Most of the information in this series of posts is thanks to them. So if you're a local to Sydney, definitely check the place out. If you aren't, Google is a great place to start! I would recommend visiting a store as purchases online can be really misleading, especially in terms of colouring and size of toys.

Don't forget to check out the next installment in the series: what to do with the damn thing once you've got it home! Or basically just a story of the first time I fucked my girlfriend with ours. If you want our finished product looked liked, check it out here.